Lesson #8: Blinded by the light!

Two words: Ross / Friends

Ok three more: no spray tans!

This pic has the potential to be a nice opener. Good smile, well dressed, clean cut. But then it looks like he colored all over it with a pink highlighter.

Left swipe on overripe...

Lesson #7: I don't!

Dear Mr. Wonderful - words escape me (ha, don't you wish!) on this one but the lifeless, disappointed look in the eyes of the bride gives this (main/only) photo a hauntingly genuine feel.

I would love to meet...the woman that swipes right on a pic like this. There can't possibly be one?!

Big, huge left swipe on Mr. Right

Lesson #6: slightly pervy, super nerdy

Good morning, Mr. [Big] Spoon - Imagine my delight when I opened up your magical profile on this fine Friday morning. I can't wait to don my matching homemade, braided leather belt-trimmed hoodie, gaze deeply into your shifty eyes and play Dungeons and Dragons with you till the wee hours of the morning...said no woman EVER.

The fact that you even mention being SLIGHTLY pervy puts you in the SUPER-PERVY category. I love nerdy dudes more than most chicks but when you level up the creep factor it's GAME OVER.

Left swipe on Frodo.

Lesson #5: No Sweaty Nakedness

I know you're working out and I can tell you're in your basement doing it...so being mostly bare and drenched in sweat is acceptable but dude, leave some things to the imagination! 

Left swipe with a bleach wipe on Mr. Sweaty!

Lesson #4: Don't be a cock

Why? It's just weird. No cock pictures please, literally or figuratively!

Left swipe on the 2 piece extra crispy

Lesson #3: Random Body Parts

Hey hairy guy with the arms and the Burt Reynolds shorts - we're not so distracted by the gun show that we can't see the weird female torso laying on your bed. Sup wit dat?

Left swipe on Dahmer, quick!

Lesson #2: WTH!?!

Dude, no. Have some dignity! I'm sure he's a fun guy to hang out with and all, but that picture is not getting him laid!

Left swipe on dat ass!